i think tt wat it says is quite true whether or not u believe in the values behind it. some of you might be disinterested coz there are some christian values in it… but do read thru it and reflect on it… its really good… it makes loads of sense even if u choose to delete all the portions on christianity.
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What is love?
A second misconception is that love is a feeling. Love needs to stir up emotions of excitement, happiness, and passion. It must make me feel good. When we define love as an emotion, we inflate the accuracy of emotions. True, there are good feelings associated with love, but love also involves self-sacrifice and perseverance in difficulty. Love is a commitment to do what is right even if there is pain. Love defined as an emotion is not love at all- but a self-centered desire for pleasure.
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Another question I am often asked is, “How do I know if I am in love or just infatuated?” Is this relationship worth pursuing, or is it just two people infatuated with one another? Relationships do often begin with infatuation, but healthy ones move on to mature love.
Too often what appears to be love is simply infatuation. Here are some ways to know the difference between the two. Real love edifies. Two people in love seek the best for the other person. Their attitude toward the other is, “How can I help make you everything God ever intended you to be?” The two have found their fulfillment and security in Christ, and as a result, they can securely serve with the other’s best interest in mind. On the other hand, infatuation is selfish and driven by the desire to have your own needs
met. “Infatuated love insists upon continual reassurance from the other person. It makes unreasonable demands that stem from possessivenes and insecurity. Charted on paper, it would range from high peaks of certainty to valleys of doubt. Unstable in its duration, infatuation is like a seasonal monsoon; it comes, blows fiercely, and moves on.”
Second, love is based on knowledge. One must first get to know the other person over a significant period of time and in many different circumstances. As you see the other person’s character strengths and weaknesses, ask yourself, “Do I still feel strongly attracted to him or her?” Try this exercise. List as many attributes of the other person as you can, including strengths and weakness, and the evidence to support your claims. If you have a good-sized list, you probably know the person well and are basing your decision on knowledge. If it is infatuation, your list will be quite short.
When two people are infatuated, what they are often attracted to is an idealized image of the other person. Third, ask yourself, “If I were blind, would I love this person?” In other words, can I love this person without any physical expression? Is my desire for him or her based on quality of character or just physical attraction? If you can’t express your love apart from the physical element, it is not true love. Physical involvement will distort two people’s perspective, and it often leads to unwise decisions.
Physical involvement can make people feel close, but upon careful examination, the only thing the two may have in common is lust.
Finally, real love endures. Over time, real love grows and matures. Two people in love can wait for God’s time, no matter how long it may be. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient and love always perseveres or is long suffering.
True love will endure the tests of time and difficulty. Infatuation is marked by impulsive and emotional decision making. It wants to rush into things before prayer or wise counsel is considered. Driven by insecurity and possessiveness, false love seeks to rush the process of physical intimacy and even marriage. True love, on the other hand, is willing to wait on God’s time and allow the other person to grow and become the person God desires him or her to be. As we conclude, remember this truth: God loves you and desires that your relationships be joyous and meaningful. He will not let you go wrong in the area of dating if you let Him be the Lord of every aspect of your life.
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love is something tt takes time to develop. there are plenty of stories out there tt encourage us to tell the one we love that we love them before it’s too late. but then again, never be too hasty in declaring you love someone for love is more than just a feeling…. it’s a really big word with loads of implications…. hope you guys enjoyed the above article… 
Hi i just read the paragraph about “How do you know you’re really in love?”The reason why i’m reading this is because I’ve been feeling weird in the pits of my stomach and I’m not sure what it actually is. It’s kinda like being doubtful in my relationship. It will 1 year and 4 months for me in my relationship with my girlfriend. I told her I love her pretty early in the relationship, like 3 months into the relationship. I feel like I really love her and everything about her, but for some strange reason deep inside me i’m questioning the relationship. I’ve told her this, we have a truthful and open relationship. I don’t want to have these feelings of doubt. I just wanted your input. I wonder if it’s just a guy thing, kinda like cold feet in committing. All i know is that i’m going to keep an eye on my feelings and see if it persists.
I believe fully in the definition of love as written in the Bible.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
To me, a union in marriage is meant to last forever and the relationships we are all in now are the stepping stone to this union.
I believe that it takes time, alot of it, before you, or anyone for that matter, will know for sure that this is the person who want to sign your life away to.
As much as I can profess to believing in one’s intuition, I often find that it can be warped.
Maybe you are questioning the relationship because intuitively you know that there is something fundamentally wrong with it. It may even be something that you have accepted on the surface but your something inside you is saying otherwise. Is that something, something you would want to live your whole life with?
Or maybe it is just the effects of a past relationship. I often find myself drawing parallels between the relationships i have had and then even up having wayward thoughts and feeling all queasy.
Regardless of what it maybe that’s making you question the relationship, I believe that alot of time and reflection would help.
All of the above are just my thoughts on the matter. you take care!
Thank you for your response. And I understand what you mean. THis is my first serious relationship, and it has been a year and a half so far. Yes. deep down inside something doesn’t feel right. As if something is missing. I do love her, yet at the same time i want to feel that love with full content, and not having that deep intuition of something not being right. But for now, I will put your thoughts in action; for instance, practice patience, and see how we grow together.
There is a belief that we actually know what we claim we don’t know. All we need to do is to look hard and deep enough.
There’s been occasions where I would sit myself down, remove everything that’s in my head, look deep inside myself and ask myself what it really is.
I realised that the answer is always in me but I would claim that I don’t know because of a conflict in me. Maybe an unwillingness to accept what it really is.
I really hope that you’ll find the reason for that knot inside you. All the best!
You are great, thank you soo much.. And that makes complete sense… I try to meditate everyday, and when i do i feel a sense of bliss and peace with my life right now. And when i think of my girlfriend with an empty mind, it feels great to be with her.. And we can get caught up in our mind. THank you..
Just sharing my experience with you!
I’m glad you’re feeling better!
HI again this is jesse and i wanted to talk about my relationship.. Well me and my girlfriend decided to take a break and it was really hard for a day and a half, and i was wondering is that what you’re suppose to feel for one another to see if you really want them in your life.. We just ended the break pretty fast and we both felt horrible of knowing that this could lead to break up. Relationship can be confusing, i want her in my life, but i curious why did we feel so much pain, and if one of us didn’t love eachother would we not have felt any pain during the break.? Thankyou.
Maybe you did love. I remember you were sharing that you feel that you do love her but something doesn’t seem right.
I loved all those I was with previously too. But that does not mean that the relationship was meant to be. I felt the pain of the break up too. But I also learnt after each breakup what went wrong in that relationship and I believe all these lessons make me a better person and help to refine my idea of what I want in a husband.
Take the time to really think about the relationship you had. Is it really something you want for life? If she someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with?
If so, go get her back!
HI again. thank you for your reply, i really appreciate your help. Our break lasted a day or so and i called her back and said that it was too hard and we got back together. DUring the day i noticed all the great things about her, and what makes her special. I feel like the reason i think and feel differently about her is that at times i am bored in our relationship. ANd i find myself trying to make our relationship perfect, changing her etc.. I just want to be happy in this relationship and love her for you she is, and at the same time don’t feel like im settling for less with her. Iv’e told her now that i want to slow things down and reflect. I did that exercise in your essay about making a list of all her flaws and strengths and when i look at it, there are so many things i know about her, and except. Anyways i just got to be patient.. Thankyou.
No relationship is perfect. It’s up to the two of you to make things work. The grass always look greener on the other side. I’m glad you noticed how green the grass is on your side before it’s too late.
Always take time to reflect and appreciate even the smallest things.
All the best!
hi again. last week my girlfriend confronted me that something is wrong that she feels something is wrong in this relationship but doesn’t know what. she told me that when she looks back in the past 2 years she thinks what has she got out of this relationship, and she was in a questioning phase basicly what i went through before. and we decided to take a break and the first day i felt really bad and sick to my stomach knowing that she might want to break up. well i meditated and went to bed and i could’nt sleep it was soooo hard, but i kept praying while i had my eyes closed and eventually i fell asleep and when i woke up i felt a peace and the fear of loss went away. I feel like i want to in my life but not sure if she is the one. and today i called her to check up on her and she said that she didn’t feel really sick and bad as much as i did, and feels like she want to continue the break to reflect some more. and part of me wants to work it out and keep the relationship going but i also feel at peace if it doesn’t work out because we both feel like we haven’t impacted eachothers lives enough. anyways i just wanted to share that with you .
Thanks for sharing!
I’m glad to hear that you felt a peace within you the next day.
Take care!